Dear members of the Kansas Board of Education:
Thank you so very much for forcing, er, offering intelligent design instead of science to your students.
See, I have a niece who wants to be a doctor. She isn't world's greatest student. Normally, she wouldn't have a shot at medical school. Math and science aren't her best subjects. (Either is empathy. She laughs when her sister gets hurt.) Yet, thanks to your foresight and wisdom, at least she won't have to compete with anyone from Kansas for those coveted medical school slots.
No smart, kind-hearted, empathetic Kansas kid is going to get in my niece's way. Forget the cure for cancer coming out of Wichita. In fact, since critical thinking and science are the basis for most high paying jobs, even if my niece decides on another lucrative, challenging career, no Kansas child will be able to compete with her.
Don't feel bad. There are meat processing plants and mega stores that offer part time, no medical benefits, no retirement benefits, minimum wage careers for Kanasas kids to look forward to. They didn't really want to go to college, did they?
So thank you again, members of the Kansas Board of Education, for taking away the future of every child in Kansas. We salute you. Now go help Pat Robertson threaten those people in Pennsylvania who dared vote out their school board for bringing intelligent design into their schools. Our little niece is going to need all the head start she can get.