Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Ironic Gelatin

Later this month I'm going to an erotica writers pot luck. I volunteered (yes volunteered) to make a gelatin dessert, as long as everyone understood it was ironic gelatin. (I'm sure the host meant it as ironic. We're being stereotypical Americans for the amusement of a European guest.)

Of course, my first thought was lime green gelatin with mandarin orange slice and tiny marshmallows, because it reminds me of church pot lucks of my youth, but then I remembered that I once duped some poor foreigner into believing the dish was deeply symbolic* and decided I couldn't go there again.

So, this being erotica writers, my first thought was rude molds, but I don't have time to hunt them down. Since most of us write GLBT, this might be a good idea, but it's a lot of work and involves poking my finger into the gelatin (seriously. I read the instructions).

Then I thought maybe something over the top American like this: Gelatin and fake whipped topping in one fell swoop.

But this lovely idea caught my eye. I thought, hey, erotica writers! I'll bring this and set the dish on top of a vibrator! It'll be just like those old football games that vibrated to move the players down the field! (This is dating me terribly, and the joke would be too obscure for someone who didn't know about those toys.)

So what do you think? Remember, ironic is the key word here. Don't be afraid of tacky. Tacky on purpose is kitsch.

* This was at a Thanksgiving dinner. The guest in question pointed at the quaking lime green mold and asked with no small amount of trepidation in her voice what it was. Thinking swiftly, I told her that it was symbolic of the long, hard winter the first Pilgrims endured. I told her that many of the Pilgrims starved to death, so in desperation, they sent out fishing boats, but since it was winter, all they caught was jellyfish. But lucky for them, the jellyfish all had these small fish in their tentacles, and the Indians taught the Pilgrims how to get the fish out of the jellyfish without being stung, and that's how the Pilgrims survived their first winter. I said that the marshmallows symbolized the corks on the floating nets, the gelatin represented the jellyfish, and of course, the mandarin slices represented the fish. Then I had the gall to say in my extra-perky voice, "See? Now it all makes sense."

I will surely burn in hell.

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