True Blood season 3 started last night. I was thankful, oh so thankful, that they didn't begin this season with Sookie screeching as she did last time. I hate that deer caught in the headlights look followed by the pause (I will commence screaming in 5,4,3 ...) and ending with her mouth open and sirens blaring. The next scene with the manager from the restaurant was wonderful. And then... nothing. Downhill at avalanche speeds.
Maybe I have erotica fatigue, because Eric pounding his new dancer made me glance at my watch. Things got promising for a moment there with Bill (The most boring vampire to ever walk the night. My method for dealing with his screen time is to down a shot of vodka every time he lowers his chin and tries to look menacing. It doesn't make him any more interesting. It just makes me care at lot less about how dull he is. If you need some variation - and god knows you crave it when Bill's around - try drinking every time he lowers his chin and says Soooookie.) Anyway - things got promising there for a moment or two with Bill and Sam, but in one of the biggest cheats since Bobby showed up alive in the shower on Dallas, the writers made Sam wake up before the boys got a chance to even touch. If Sookie gets to fantasize about Eric to the point of naked writhing, I demand equal suds and studs for Bill and Sam. Fair is fair.
Sadly, Eric's butt, Sam's chest, Bill's chest, some Jason skin, and a pair of sweaty, bouncing implants weren't enough to distract me from dismal storytelling. Maybe I'm erotica fatigued, but really, True Blood folks? Really? Do you think I'm that easy? At the end of the show, all I could think was "Okay, so that scene with Bill and Sam didn't lead Sam to find and help Bill, so what was the point?" Obviously, to piss me off, and turn on everyone else, but what a waste of potential storytelling time! Yes, I know that there were many story lines to move forward in this episode, and all the characters are being repositioned for this season, but please, if you're trying to distract me from crap storytelling, you're going to have to crank up the sex a lot more. I'm jaded like that.
P.S. True Blood folks - you're doing a great job with the story lines and characters of Lafayette and Jessica (probably because Jessica is original to the show and Layfayette didn't survive the first book so you can do whatever you want with him), but would you stop dressing Pam like a cheap floozy and get rid of the gloopy pink mess she wears on her lips? Oh, and Queen Sophie? I can't tell which is worse, her screen presence or the lines you write for her.