Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Personalized Hell

'Ness posted this on one of my discussion forums, and since I'm in a lazy mood, I decided to swipe the idea from her.

Hell, personalized for my displeasure

Remember, your answers are your worst case scenario:

1. One movie which you are forced to watch over and over again 12 hrs/day.
2. One song which you get to listen to over and over again for the other 12 hrs/day.
3. One drink.
4. One food item.
5. You have to take care of an animal that creeps you out. What is it?
6. You only get one outfit, which you must wear all the time. What is it?
7. Any other item you can think of that would make the experience even worse.

My answers:

1. Disney's Cinderella. Oxygen thief. Doormat. One shove on Lady Tremaine down that sweeping staircase, and Cindy's problems would have been solved. What a wuss.

2. Something from Whitney...Celine... Whiney...Celine... hmmm. Part of my problem here is that while I imagine I'd hate songs by them, I don't actually know any and can't name one. What would be truly terrible was if it was a song I loved but the sheer repetition made me hate it. In that case, I pick Nina Simone's version of Mood Indigo.

3. Whatever it is they give to the Girls Gone Wild chicks, because if I ever show my tits to drunk white frat boys for a rope of cheesy beads, put my arms in the air, and shout "whoo-hoo," I'll know I'm in hell.

4. Banana Moon Pies. I have this love-hate relationship with artificial banana flavoring. Plus I've never been able to eat a whole moon pie without puking, and I seriously hate puking.

5. This one threw me. Have to take care of it? What happens if I don't? It dies? But then I win, because the creepy animal isn't around anymore. When we lived in Oklahoma, I once saw a praying mantis in the backyard. Bastard was tracking me. Plus, they can fly. *shivers* Upside? Splat! They're small enough that I can take it down if I need to.

6. My initial answer was a thong bikini, but in hell, that might be a good idea. My new choice is a wedding dress. No, wait - a bridesmaid dress!!!! A cousin who shall remain nameless (Annalissa) once stuck me in a lime chiffon hoop skirt with white gloves, white shoes, and a floppy white hat when I was one of her junior bridesmaids. Luckily, planning for this faux Gone With the Wind tableau lasted longer than the marriage, so all pictorial evidence of me in that dress was destroyed. I get additional eternal damnation points for wearing pantyhose.

7. Pops is sitting next to me and wants to tell me about his erectile dysfunction problems. Again.

So, what's your hell?

(And thank you 'Ness)


Anonymous said...

Thief! I heart you :D

Kathleen Bradean said...

Your check is in the e-mail. And by that, I mean I sent you a picture of a lizard.