Friday, May 26, 2006

But Where Do My Hands Go?


I quit smoking a week ago. I've been sort of fine with it, but I can't figure out what to do with my hands. Shove them in my pockets? Take up ASL? Go for this pose?

And there were all those other lovely uses for my cigarettes too. I could sneak out to the smoke hole to hang with the cool kids. They were the key to my escape strategy. "While spending the past hour trapped in this corner and listening to you soliloquize about your dissertation on the Freudian symbolism in Ibsen's play, Hedda Gabbler, was simply fascinating, I must excuse myself for a smoke." They were my comfort, my reward for surviving stress. Not to mention the extemporaneous haiku I traded them for one memorable night.

I do miss it.

Maybe I'll pretend I still smoke. I'll still get to hang with my favorite people as they puff away. I'll still have an excuse to flee parties. I just won't have the cigarette.

4 comments:

Keziah Hill said...

Wonderful news! It's hard but worth it.

Jolie said...

Good for you! Cigarettes are evil creatures. They taste really good when you're drunk. LOL I have about three cigarettes a year, and even that is bad. Cigarettes are bad news. No more cigarettes for Jolie, either. (Let's hope I stick to it. LOL)

Anonymous said...

How can a smut writer not know what to do with her hands? I'm shocked.

Here's what you do:
1. Put them in your pocket. Make people wonder if you're packing.
2. Hold things - drinks, plates of food, keys, knives, whatever suits the occasion.
3. Take up juggling, it will give your hands something to do. I dated a juggler once. Seeing as I've never been into men, while we were together he got really good at playing with his balls.
4. Put on a puppet show. With or without puppets.
5. Use your hands to make your conversations more dramatic: And (bring hands together) how (spread hands apart) are you (push hands towards person you're addressing)?
6. Clap at people for no reason.
7. Learn to pick people's pockets, but return what you took immediately. You don't want bad karma.
8. Make necklaces out of gum wrappers.
9. Make balloon animals.
10. Finger paint. Great ice breaker.

There you have it.

(From your real evil twin)

Berenice said...

You could become a habitual nose-picker?