Forgive Me, I Know Not What I Do

The temperatures in LA are in the upper 80's today, which is why I opened every door and window in the hovel when I got home from work today, but the lingering heat trapped in the house made me drowsy. I couldn't get motivated to do anything. I just wanted to collapse on my bed and take a late afternoon nap. And then I thought the unthinkable - maybe we should get air conditioning. The thought of cold air rippling over my bared flesh was too delicious to ignore -despite the sinus headache it would surely induce. Even though I didn't utter those treasonous air conditioning thoughts aloud, I swore I felt a ripple through the space-time continuum, and half expected representatives of the Beach Cities board to show up at my front door and ask me just what the hell was I thinking?

For those of you not from LA, let me explain something about air conditioning. While people who live inland or in the (shudder) Valley, accept that it gets hot here in the summer and use air conditioning, we who live in the Beach Cities are in collective denial. We refuse to believe it ever gets hot enough here to justify resorting to such measures. We have the ocean breezes, you see. Natural air conditioning. Just open your windows. Reliance on machines is a weakness, a Valley thing.

Normally, I'm just as susceptible to this collective madness/ superiority complex as the next Beach Cities resident. After all, last weekend, while the Southland sweltered, the beach was chilly underneath a layer of fog (yes, fog. not smog) that the sun never burned away. And, unless the Santa Anas are blowing off the high desert, we do have a constant flow of air off the ocean that keeps the temperature, on average, in the seventies year round. On average is the trick phrase here. On the bell curve of Beach Cities weather, I'm sure today is at least two standard deviations away from normal. And since the weather is being deviant, I'm thinking deviant thoughts about air conditioning.

So forgive me Realtors, city councils, and everyone else who is heavily invested in keeping the myth of our perfect temperate climate alive. In my heat-induced delirium, I know not what I do.

Now be a dear and bring me a tall iced something-or-the-other. (Paper umbrella is optional)