Wednesday, January 31, 2007

January is over! Yay!

Which means that it's February. *grumble* Yes, February is a perfectly nice month. After all, we all know what holiday falls in February, and I'm sure you're looking forward to it just as I am!

That's right. Ground Hog's Day! Are you excited yet? Do you think he'll see his shadow this year?

Oh, you might have been thinking of that other important February holiday - President's Day. Hey, I'm all for anything that gets me out of work, and I actually respect those Presidents.

I'm just messing with you. I know you're thinking of Valentine's Day.

Let me show my curmudgeonly side here for a moment and admit that I despise Valentine's Day. I'm not a magpie, so shiny things don't interest me. I tend to be allergic to anything a florist delivers, and the idea of sticking my nose close to smell something that technically is already dead is kind of creepy. Restaurants are impossible, and nothing kills my sex drive like a strolling mariachi band. (I will do chocolate.RichArt if you want to wow me, See's if you know what I like, Godiva if you want a gold box chucked at your tender bits.)

Beyond the unrealistic expectations VDay puts on a relationship, the other thing that bugs me about it is it's Victorian nature. It's about playing out the chase and seduction like a pair of eunuchs. The true agenda is buried under hearts and flowers, lace and candy. It's frilly and it stinks like Grandma's perfume. I'm sure there are people out there who go for that kind of thing, but I prefer to sweep away the clutter and get down to the minimalist's version.

Valentine's Day is about sex. I want it, the SO has it. Forget the soft music and candles. I plan to go straight to the raw nature of it. We'll enjoy a gritty, extended seduction that leaves us both feeling incredibly dirty. Then we'll take a shower, and then do it again. Trust me, being fucked like a sex god kicks ass compared to a lame stuffed animal.

Don't ever say I'm not romantic.

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