Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Where Stories Come From part II

My solemn oath that I won't ever write this story, but...

I don't know where stories come from, but there are times when I wish I could stamp RETURN TO SENDER on the idea and forget about it, because some story ideas are so incredibly bad, deliciously bad, that they should never be mentioned in polite society. I've obviously been reading too many vampire stories lately, such as M. Christian's The Very Bloody Marys and Running Dry. Those were good stories though. This one isn't.

Picture vampires persecuted and hunted in their homeland to the point where they have to make a desperate break for freedom. Picture a family of vampires. Hiking over the Alps. Wearing matching clothes made from drapes. While singing. And you have...

The Vlad Trapp Family singers.

I hope you're laughing.

This is proof that I spend way too much time in my car. I spent the entire ride home trying to figure out which songs from The Sound of Music I could corrupt with vampiric lyrics. Sure, it was entertaining as hell, but my god, some stories should never, ever be written.

Except maybe as a movie treatment. I wonder if I could Danny Elfman to adapt the score. And Tim Burton to direct.

No, no, no. That's just wrong.

Blood drops on roses....


Helen said...

The Blood Type Song (Sung to Do-Re-Mi from Sound Of Music)

O, a type, a sweet blood type.

A, the next type on the list.

B is rare, I've heard the hype.

AB, the rarest type exists.

Blood, it makes a vampire strong!

Oh damn, I can't stop singing this song!

Geez, it's stuck inside my head.

It's a bitch to be un-dead, dead, dead, dead...

And so on. Damn, I'm just as bad as you with this.

Anonymous said...

What? Why not Mel Brooks? He'd do a fine, young, blazing job!



mattilda bernstein sycamore said...

Oh, I love clothing made from drapes...

Kathleen Bradean said...

Red velvet drapes, of course. And matching traveling cloaks.