You're Doing A Heck of a Job, Brownie, er, Alberto

Every time President Bush utters "strong support" of Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, I smile. "Strong Support," is the presidential kiss of death, the pat on the head for the sacrificial goat of politics. I always wonder if the poor, dumb creature understands what's coming next, but then I realize that the poor dumb creature is actually a vicious parasite. Then I hope that like a paralyzed tarantula about to become living food for wasp maggots that the goat is acutely aware of its fate.

I propose a new rule. From now on, the Attorney General should be forced to pass a test on the U.S. Constitution and the Bill of Rights before being approved by congress. Working knowledge of, and respect for, those documents has been sadly lacking in that post lately.

Some suggested questions:

True of False - The Constitution and Bill of Rights always applies to all Americans, except when I find it inconvenient, or when I want to pursue my personal religious agenda.

True of False - I should be able to use porn while actively working to deny it to every other adult in the US.

True or False - Women are too stupid to be trusted to make decisions about their own bodies.

True or False - Torture is perfectly acceptable, unless I get caught by the media.

True or False - While I'm not a medical doctor, I am the best person to make medical decisions, and I can base them on religion, not science, if I want to.

True or False - I am above the law.

True or False - Political necessity trumps the Constitution every time.

I'd also like to see an essay on each of the Constitutional Amendments listed in the Bill of Rights, as well as a complete thesis on the Separation of Church and State - and why although it isn't one of the rights listed in the bill of rights, why Americans still should have a right to it.

Come to think of it - I'd like to make all presidential hopefuls take such a test without their aides whispering expedient answers into their ears. And I want those grades posted where everyone can see them. You'd think we'd have a right to know.