Why Won't This Work?

Feel free to comment on this if you have an idea.

I'm trying to write a story that will not work for me. This is my third pass through
and it's still not clicking right. The basic story is an audience at a BDSM club watching a Japanese rope bondage demonstration.

First pass - third person POV with the audience treated as a singular character.

Second pass - third person POV concentrating on the reactions of several specific characters in the audience.

Third pass - third person POV concentrating on one specific character in the audience.

At this point, it still feels disconnected. I like voyeurism stories, but this reminds me why I don't write them more often. They are difficult to write well. So I'm wondering if I should switch to first person POV of the fetish model on stage. That way, I have the input of the sensation of the rope and bondage on her mentally and physically. What do you think?