The SO and I took one of those on-line polls to determine which Star Trek Captain we were. He's Kirk. I'm Picard. Only in our hovel would such a stupid matter evolve into a day-long sniping war.
SO: Kirk. Cool. I nailed everything in Federation Space.
ME: You know I did Riker, Troi, and Worf in a four-way. They didn't name it the Picard Maneuver for nothing. Hell, I got Data on call. He's the ultimate sex toy.
SO: Ensigns worship me, on their knees. And you couldn't get Riker, even in his fat phase.
ME: He's my Number One. That's like a primary in a poly relationship. Jealousy has blinded you to the sub-text.
ME: Watch it, or I'll give you a space wedgie of indeterminate size.
SO: In your dreams.
ME: Two words - saucer section. You got a battle bridge? I don't think so, fly boy.
SO: Hey - I can't help it if your ship isn't ready to commit 100% to battle.
ME: Mine made the Kessel run in five point two parsecs.
SO: *wagging finger* No fair jumping universes! You evoke Star Wars, I go Sith on your ass!
It just got ugly from there on. At some point, I realized that we'd entered into a whole new dimension - total geekdom. I would have given up and limped away with my dignity somewhat intact, but hey, I was winning!
SO: Face it, I set the standard for space cool.
ME: Your cheap special effects looked cheesy even in 1974.
ME: And I can act.
ME: *sotto voce* I can't wait until he finds out I'm really Q! Muhahahahahahaha.